I’ve been writing for a long time, and I’ve always enjoyed creating writing and game design. Both of these things are what drew me into Tabletop RPGs in a huge way, but I’ve been writing things like short stories since I was a little kid. I never felt like I suffered from a lack of imagination or writers block, as all I really needed to find was something I cared about and the words would just flow.

Another thing I’ve always been pretty good at is coding. So why is it that I’ve been working on this website since about 2006, if not longer? At the time of writing this in 2018 I’m still working on this website, and I’m closer than I’ve ever been to knowing that someone will eventually read this out there on the web. I’m not quite there yet though, so why am I so confident this is finally it?

The answer is because, frankly, it took me that long to figure out who I was writing for. The answer is me. I am writing for myself, because I enjoy it.

The actual subjects I wanted to write about haven’t changed at all in the intervening years. Technical and DIY projects along with creating writing and a focus on game design. My problem over the years has been that I have spent far too long trying to constrain myself into some sort of format that will dictate to me what I should write, when I should write it, and what I’m going to write about. Mostly in a vain attempt to appeal to some unknown audience that I do not have, and actually don’t really care if I ever get.

I write because I like to write. If I didn’t, I don’t think I would have kept coming back to this plan year after year with a fresh idea of how I could force myself into it. Plans such as “Year Old Game Reviews” were fundamentally flawed because I quickly lost interest in trying to force such a format on myself. I don’t really want to write reviews, at least not in the traditional sense.

I almost fell into this trap again last week, as I struggled with my article about Skyrim. I had come up with the concept of doing game design deep-dives, looking into the release and development of the game, in particular the game design decisions that had been made. But no matter what I tried the most I could write before getting stuck was some meta stuff about what it was I was trying to achieve.

It was only when I decided to blow that format and just write that it finally happened. Everything I wanted to say spewed out as my fingers danced over the keys. I managed to avoid pouring over every word, editing as I type (a terrible habit I appear to finally be breaking).

That’s it. That’s the secret. Just writing what I want, when I want, how I want. It’s taken me over a decade to act on something I already knew, but here I am. I’m sure it will take me a while to get my flow back after years of dry academic writing, but I am confident I will soon find my stride. I will publish or perish… because I actually want to.