I woke up to my breath forming clouds in the air. It’s cold this time of year, sure, but it’s never cold enough for my girl. She’s a real ice queen, daring the mercury to stoop to her level.¹

My throat feels like I swallowed sandpaper. I tried to drown my pains in whisky, but that plan just came back to bite me in the ass. Eventually I got out of the bed and tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my day.

I looked at all the mess from the night before. I’d taken apart the TIP-3000, turned it into a `choose your own pun’ adventure. Either 3000 parts or a junk tip. I sighed, my breath forming another little white cloud, and got to work.

The first port of call was that damn door. Now I’d got rid of those hinges, I had to find another way to keep the damn thing on. Luckily, I knew just what to do. I whipped out a long hinge and measured some holes. Picking up my drill, I realised I didn’t have the right tools for the job. Typical.

I got in my car and set out. I knew a man who knew a man, who could help me out of this sticky mess. The traffic’s always terrible this time of year, all the people running about trying to get a present for Granny. I just turned my heater up and enjoyed the warmth. When I got there, I ordered some bolts and bits. As usual, the guy behind the desk has more balls than brains. I was too tired and cold to call him out, so I let the wise ass off the hook. I took my parts and drove home.²

It’s always good to be home, especially on a day like this. I sat down and tore open my package to see if the stuff was any good. It was. Aluminium bolts with a heavy hex head, and a pack of ten drill bits. I’d seen the screws online for £1.30 each, and I got 50 for £2.50. It’s always good to know people.

I loaded my drill and measured up some holes. I knew this was going to be a pain in the ass, but I got lucky and the holes matched up. More or less. I took some wet n’ dry to the panel again and got rid of any burrs and blotches. Another little wipe, and she was ready for some paint.

I hate painting. I always screw it up. The fact that everything was frozen didn’t do much for any shreds of confidence I may have had. I wanted to put on the first coat inside, but the damn lights were out. So I grit my teeth and left them outside. The first coat went on easy. I’ll have to be patient to find out how that worked. I’m not bothered though-for this mod, I got all the time in the world.

It’s getting on in the day, and the ground is still frozen. I decide I gotta clean up the case a bit, and to get all the crap out I’m gonna need one hell of a tool. The good news is I know just the thing. The bad news is it’s at the bottom of a damn ice slide. I tried to get it up by hand, but the weight just kept pulling me down again. Eventually, I gave up and defrosted the ramp with antifreeze and hot water. Now I could finally get out the big dog.

Of course, I’m referring to a 50 litre compressor. With 2 horsepower of crushing, you sure don’t want to mess with this bad boy. I acquired this a few months ago, and I’ve been waiting for a chance to bust it out. I filled the tank and got the hose. Before long I’d blown anything that just smells like dust to the high heavens. That case was clean enough to eat your breakfast off.

I got out some window cleaner. These guys will try to sell you all sorts of crap. Stuff for cars, stuff for glass, stuff for wood-the truth is, window cleaner will do the lot. After a quick wipe down she’s looking like I just repainted her. I just hoped that these parts would still look this good next to the parts I’m actually repainting.

I decided that I wanted to try something new with those drive bezels I made. So plain, so boring. And I was already taking the top layer from my grilles, so why the hell not? I took the lot into the cellar and sanded them with down. With the bezels, I drilled some holes for these bolts, with the plan of cutting off the ends later. Some snitch had told me once that when the grease from your fingers gets on bare aluminium, it can stick forever. The only way to avoid this is by wrapping the lot in something protective till it can create it’s own layer of aluminium oxide. I wrapped mine in kitchen towel, and left it till morning.

Finally I decided I’d had enough. I got a lot done today, but a man can only do so much. I leave the rest till another day.

I guess there’s a lot of questions to ask here. Is this the beginning of a beautiful friendship? What do you know about a dwarf named Al-Khali?³ I guess you’ll just have to wait and see. Play it again, Sam.